Things had changed tremendously from my Sophomore to my Junior year at Michigan State. I moved into a house with new roommates, I have my dream job, I am on the board of Sigma Alpha Iota, I have a blog (obviously), and I went through a REALLY hard breakup. I felt like a new person in the same body as before. After my breakup I thru myself into a lot. I was constantly on my phone looking at Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, texting, pretty much just looking at my phone 24/7 which has never been a trait that I have possessed. My friends would have conversations with me and I just would not listen. I did not care what they had to say. I was shut off, but it was not so easy for me to figure out.
One day in choir one of my best friends Caylee was telling me a story about something important, and I was just looking at my phone and replying with “Mhmmm” and “Yeah I agree.” (even though I had no idea what she was saying). She, being a super straight up person, called me out on my shit in the middle of class. I was pissed. I did not say a word the entire class. When I left the classroom I wanted to just punch something. Who is she to say that to me?!
Later that night I decided to put on my big girl panties and call Caylee. She was uninterested in my apology and short in her responses. This made even more frustrated. So when she tried to apologize in a monotone voice, I knew we were not going to get anywhere. It was not until she said,
“Gen, listen to me for a minute. Just for a bit, shut up. You have been constantly on your phone. I know it is not just for your blog or SAI. I see you on Pinterest, I see you on Facebook. I am sick of talking to you and having it go in one ear and out the other. You do not listen to people anymore. You are so involved in your phone that you are isolating yourself from the world. I know your break up has been hard, I have been there too. You cannot block the world out just because you are sad. The world is still here and you are losing yourself in technology. That isn’t you, this isn’t you. You love to spend quality time with people.You like to listen and have conversations. I remember when your phone was just about always put away. We are all still here. Your problems will not go away just because you are ignoring them. Your heart is broken and that is alright. We can all help you, but not if you are blocking us out.”
I was in shock. I could not believe what she said and I was MAD! But then…. I was sad. The tears started streaming down my face and my stomach began to twist to become a pretzel. She hit a nerve.
Everything that I have been throwing myself into was masking what I was actually feeling. I did not want to process what was happening in the depths of my brain. So when Caylee said this too me it gave me the wake up call that I needed. After our conversation I began processing my feelings. I cried more, I ate more Ben and Jerry’s, and talked with my girlfriends more about what I was FEELING. The conversation was one of the most powerful things that I have been through. So when Caylee told me to basically, “Get over yourself!” I was hurt, but I will be eternally grateful that I have a friend like her.